Nothing Is Certain.

the lumps in my throat,

and the butterflies in my stomach,

they all are created by you.

<3

Cuts like a knife,

holds nothing back,

stinging cool pain,

the back of my throat,

swells,

and chokes,

I’ve got nothing,

within me willing,

to stop,

it.

It takes over,

I breathe in that old,

familiar scent,

I hear the same sad songs,

and feel the same old pains.

I try so hard to lean,

claw, grasp,

hold tight,

to memories already passed,

of people who are no longer here,

of things I could never even touch,

back then.

When will I ever have my own room again?

Like, my very own room.

I never knew it was such a luxury.

I’ll admit it,

I miss Tumbling.

:/.

I’m the Sinner and,

the Saint,

I’m nothing,

that I aint,

I am the Fighter and,

the Lover,

I am the Taker and,

the Giver,

I am everything,

I am,

and nothing,

that I’m not,

I only exist,

if you validate,

my existence,

you only exist,

in my dreams,

because,

what is reality??

Are we all asleep,

nothing is within grasp,

our elusive minds,

just think they are,

long halls,

and dark alleys,

sunshine,

and daisies,

what’s real is something,

I can taste, hear, touch, smell,

yet I still believe in things unseen,

so what does that make me?

I dig deeper than the sea,

just to see,

something that I could,

claim to be mine,

I hear the shallows abusing the,

shore again,

but I’m so far away,

the lighthouse burnt all of its,

bulbs out years ago,

it’s cold,

and it’s dark,

and I can see nothing in front of me,

that cold hand,

rests upon my shoulders,

but my breathing gets deeper,

and I am fully alive,

or so I believe,

and nothing,

nothing,

nothing,

is what it seems.

I plan to do a lot more living!

Took an amazing day trip yesterday with my bestfriend,

my boyfriend, & parents to Batcave, NC. My friend, boyfriend & I

went “hiking” at Chimney Rock and we ate at Pappa’s & Beer in

Hendersonville, NC, which is some of the BEST Mexican food

I’ve ever had in my life!

Yesterday was one trip of many that my bestfriend & I are planning.

Within the next 2 weeks we’re going to Paris Mountain State Park in

Greenville, SC. We have plans to go to Hilton Head, Charleston, Kings Mountain,

& MANY more.

I’m extremely excited about all of them!

This Summer is going to be awesome!

On top of all of the adventures, I have a new job as a Server @ Cracker Barrel, I’m getting new tattoos, saving up for a car, finishing transferring to USC, I have the most incredible boyfriend of all time, and I’m eating more healthy and exercising, also getting a bike! Life couldn’t get more sweeter <3

& When you’ve been dead for so long,

please don’t expect me to cry,

when your body finally falls away,

into the great black abyss,

where your soul,

has been hiding,

for so long .

Your eyes don’t even look the same,

you hardly resemble a living being,

anymore,

nothing makes much sense,

but this is just how it has to be,

just leave me,

never haunt me again,

you are all behind bars,

physical or mental,

and it sickens me,

to think that you,

ever used to be free. 

So just leave,

me.